Many times in the past Dubb has questioned why I accept raggedy friends. I always try to see the good in everyone…even when it comes back to bite me in the ass. She has also told me several times before to not act surprised that people are acting exactly how they already showed me they would act. Yet…I keep the raggedy around. Some I have kept out of loyalty that even when they are being raggedy they still manage to come through for me. Others I have kept out of guilt and the feeling that if I care I won’t leave. I’ve been a big girl before and walked away…late, but the point is I did it. Most times I become a coward and I try to make others walk away from me instead.
I thought I was done being a punk until today. Today I came to the realization that I was enabling and allowing raggedy to once again remain. When asked why by a different friend I answered quickly and honestly….out of guilt. Guilt that I owed her something because I did her wrong. Never mind the fact that she had done me wrong over and over and over. She is one of those “You can’t hurt my friend but I can” types. So while I knew she was taking up for me in several cases, I was ignoring the fact that she was tearing me down in so many more.
So while I believe I have done such a great job of no longer accepting raggedy….one still remains. She’s in the distance, yet she’s very much there. The thought was that she will leave and that will be that, but the reality is she isn’t going anywhere if I don’t make her. But today it was brought to my attention…she cut me off long ago. She comes around for convenience and information. So why the hell do I need to hold on?